B's Private Land

　　1995年6月30日，Phyllis Hyman在紐約的住處，選擇服藥自殺結束她的生命，享年四十五歲。

　　在這之前，Phyllis獨自面對她人生中的低潮－－感情、經濟、體重增加等問題，這使得她用酗酒來麻醉自己，最後導致憂鬱症和躁鬱症纏身；所有的一切令她心力交瘁。93年時她的母親、祖母和密友在短短幾個月內相繼過世，更直接衝擊Phyllis原本就處於低壓的情緒。生命價值與存在意義的喪失，簡短的遺言中道盡了她這段時期的心路歷程－－ "I'm tired. I'm tired. Those of you that I love know who you are. May God bless you."。

　　五個月後，她死前錄製的作品"I Refuse To Be Lonely"發行，這張專輯可說是她個人對於人生最後這段路程的獨白，這些歌曲直接的、清楚的、情緒的揭露她深沉的苦痛，雖說歌裡也傳達了必須面對問題的正面意義，但在期望與現實的拉扯中，Phyllis終究還是以自我了斷來終結生命裡接踵而來的夢靨。其中同名單曲"I Refuse To Be Lonely"一曲成為她最後奮力的悲鳴。

　　摯友Patti Labelle曾說：「Phyllis的聲音是她聽過最感動的聲音」；Nancy Wilson也以「不可思議的天賦以及撼動人心的歌唱才華」讚賞她的歌唱天份。仔細聆聽這首"I Refuse To Be Lonely"吧！這是她被禁錮的靈魂之聲啊！一個心靈被殘酷現實傷得千瘡百孔者的悲鳴，自然流露的情感凌駕於一切技巧之上，這就是Phyllis Hyman。

延伸閱讀：Phyllis Hyman - I Refuse To Be Lonely（歌詞翻譯）

單曲試聽：

5:40開始有一段Phyllis Hyman清唱"ＩRefuse To Be Lonely"

歌詞：

詞曲：Jud J. Friedman / Phyllis Hyman / Nick Martinelli / Allan Rich

I can't hold you
Like I want to
Can't hold you to the promises you make
You won't be here tonight
Or any other night
It would be a lie to say I'm not afraid
But to be afraid is something
That I've always been
The difference is this time I'm not giving in 

Yes I am alone
Yes I'm on my own
But for the first time in my life
I'm gonna carry on
Yes, I'm gonna ache
But I will not break
Some things I can choose
And baby I refuse
To be lonely
To be lonely

I can't change you
I can't blame you
And this time I'm not even gonna try
You do what you have to do
I'll do the same thing too
You've got a right to say good-bye
But I've got a right to take care of myself
I realize that I come first before anyone else

Yes, I am alone
Yes, I'm on my own
But for the time in my life
I'm gonna carry on
Yes, I'm gonna ache
But I will not break
Some things I can choose
and baby I refuse
to be lonely

Lonely is a place I used to be
But I'm closing that door
I won't live there anymore

Yes, I am alone
Yes, I'm on my own
But for the first time in my life
I'm gonna carry on
Yes, I'm gonna ache
But I will not break
Some things I can choose
And baby I refuse
To be lonely
To be lonely
To be lonely

註：

1. 文章圖片為"I Refuse To Be Lonely"專輯封面。

2. 單曲試聽轉貼自網站http://www.youtube.com。